i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had sex on a roof
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
