we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
