By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
