He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
