she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
