HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
