Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
