fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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