the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
