I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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