I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
