I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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