I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
