Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
