I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
