I wish I only lived at night.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
