doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
