Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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