i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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