then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone signed my nipple.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
