He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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