well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
