Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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