I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Where is the hickey?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
