But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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