im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
