Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
