he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
