Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
