Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My pussy is not your playground.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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