I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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