Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Four minutes until I can fart!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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