how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
