Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
