Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
