I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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