In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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