There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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