if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize