i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
