i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
