I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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