Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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