Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
