I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
