theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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