How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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