For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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