Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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