Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
