I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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