i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
