nut hugger
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
