We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
