i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
