so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
