besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize