They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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