Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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